What Do I Do When My Client Wants Something Unrealistic or Impossible?

Sometimes clients come in wanting something coaching can't make happen.

A client with diabetes wants to eat anything they want without thinking about blood sugar. A client with arthritis wants to wake up without pain or stiffness—without doing anything differently.

Don't pretend the impossible is possible. But don't argue with the client, either.

One option is to make a brief statement of fact—an unavoidable reality named plainly and without judgment:

Then return the conversation to the client:

You can also ask the client to assess the odds:

They'll probably realize that the odds are zero, so that becomes the starting point for the next question: “Okay. Given those odds, suppose tomorrow, you were having the best possible day, even with some aches and pains. What would you have done to better the chances of having that kind of day?”

The goal isn't to correct the client. It's to stay honest, keep the thinking in their hands, and help them move from an impossible wish toward something possible.

Every coach runs into this situation sooner or later.

A client says, “I just got diagnosed with diabetes, and I'm supposed to give up all the foods I really love. But I want to be able to enjoy my ice cream, cookies, and bedtime snack. And I don't want to have to count carbs all the time.”

Or a client with arthritis says, “I want to wake up without pain or stiffness, and I don't want to have to do exercises every morning just to get out of bed.”

So what can you do?

First, don't pretend that what they want is realistic. But don't argue them out of it, either.

You can begin with a statement of fact.

A statement of fact names an unavoidable reality plainly and without judgment, so the client knows you heard what they're actually asking for—and that you're not pretending coaching can make the impossible possible.

With diabetes, you might say, “Wouldn't it be wonderful to eat just the way you want? Diabetes is just one of those conditions, though, that just doesn't let up or take a day off, and that's true for anyone living with it.”

Then put the conversation back in the client's hands:

With arthritis, invite the client in to name the odds that what they want can happen.

The client will probably say, “Well, honestly? Zero.”

Then take it from there:

You didn't correct the client, and you didn't argue them out of anything. You stayed honest about what's true, kept the thinking in their hands, and asked questions that could take them somewhere possible.